I have been supa dupa (said in a Boston accent) busy this week with school starting next week, so this post will be a quickie.

I am a huuuuuuuge (or uuuuuge as our pal Donald MF Trump would say) fan of The Food Network. Let’s face it, I am a big fan of food in general. It is delicious and it nourishes my body. What more could I want?

Saying that I watch a lot of the show Chopped is an understatement. Anyone that has been over to my apartment knows that it is always on. If my TV is on, Chopped is on. I am Chopsessed.


If you haven’t ever watched Chopped, GET YOURSELF TO A TV QUICK. It is a wonder of the small screen if I’ve ever been privy to one. Episodes are an hour long and it is a cooking competition show. Four chefs are brought to the swanky Chopped kitchen and are given baskets with elusive mystery ingredients. They have to compose a dish using all of the mystery ingredients in 3o minutes AND impress the judges. Each round represents a course in a proper meal (appetizer, entree, dessert). Someone is eliminated each round by the panel of illustrious judges (the judges vary every episode, but all of them are high caliber chefs in the culinary field and The Food Network). The winner at the end gets $10,000 and Chopped fame and glory! That is only a distant dream for some of us…

But seriously people, the show is TV gold. You must watch it if you haven’t. YOU MUST.

I watched Episode 7 of Season 26 of Chopped and here are 25 of my thoughts throughout the episode.

  1. Food that “sticks to your ribs” is a horrifying image.
  2. Chef smack talk is kind of silly. Like “Get ready to be brûléed bitch” and “She doesn’t know a filet from a flambé ” doesn’t sound too threatening.
  3. The first mystery basket is: pork roll, baby eggplant, pizza dough, and chinese spaghetti sauce. Baby eggplant sounds so much cuter than regular eggplant. Because its a baby version 🙂
  4. Chef outfits look really comfortable, kind of like pajamas. Maybe I should go to culinary school instead of grad school…
  5. Anyone that calls themselves “the boss lady” can’t be trusted.
  6. Pork roll looks more like a pork loaf (*vomit noises*)
  7. This show should be called, Who Can Slice Their Finger First instead of Chopped.
  8. The one that tries to sabotage the others is always the one to go home first because they are WAY too concerned with screwing everyone else up, and not on their food. THIS IS A COOKING COMPETITION PEOPLE!
  9. This dude legit looks like a lizard with a sinus infection.
  10. The Indian lady judge has a bomb accent.
  11. Pizza dough is either really difficult to cook in 30 minutes or all of these contestants just suck.
  12. Oh! What a surprise! The guy that tried to sabotage everyone and didn’t use the full 3o minutes went home first. WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?!
  13. Basket #2 is: chicken breasts, tzatziki, stinging nettles, and cornbread stuffing. WTF is a stringing nettle? And why are we putting it near our mouths?!
  14. Lentils are for lovers.
  15. I’m hungry.
  16. You’ve got 5 minutes and your chicken isn’t cooked all the way through, get it together bruh #underdawg
  17. Sometimes the chefs on this show are bafflingly amazing and put out phenomenal stuff and sometimes I feel like I could do better than the contestants. This is an episode where I feel like I could do better. Buncha lames up in here.
  18. I still have no damn idea what nettles are. And why they are stinging.
  19. That moment when the judges praise a contestant for something really creative, and they say, “Yeah that was my idea all along.” And you know they you had no idea what you were doing, it just ended up that way.
  20. My homie #underdawg went home. NOOOOOOOOOO 200_s
  21. The last basket is: cassata cake, white chocolate chips, blood orange crackers, and pine nuts. Hmmm I wonder what they’ll do with this one.
  22. I love when the judges start to doubt and talk shit on the contestants, and you know the contestants can hear it. Light a fire under their asses, Zakarian!
  23. I wish Chopped was about who could make the best food puns. The pastabilities would be endless. I would definitely be a Chopped champion and $10,000 richer.
  24. If your dessert looks like soup, YOU.ARE.DONE. #sochopped
  25. If I just won $10,000 I would be dancing around like a crazy fool. This lady just said “Woo” a few times and was over it.

That’s alllllll folks! Look for another post sometime in the next couple of days. Good things are coming, I promise!

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One thought on “25 Thoughts I had while watching Chopped…

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