Grateful.

*Insert thankful Thanksgiving post here*

I am not going to bore you with a list of all the things I am thankful for because that could go on forever. 2016 has been a tough year for me, in more ways than one. It has been a year full of strife and grief, but also a year full of happiness and progress. That is the beauty of life, it changes.

I am thankful for all of the obvious things; family, friends, a roof over my head, food in my stomach, and a steady income. But I am also thankful for the opportunity to begin again. Two years ago, I met a woman who became my everything very quickly. She was everything I ever wanted in a partner and she quickly became my best friend. I loved her through hard times and I lost myself trying to be the best I could be for her. I became someone I didn’t recognize, someone I loathed even. But I kept doing it because I thought if I could make her happy, then I would be happy too. Spoiler alert! That is not how it works.

We broke up back in April and since then my life has been a series of stops and starts. I had to learn how to be myself again, a person who I could respect and love. I had to learn how to live without someone I thought I was going to grow old with. I had to learn how to begin again after I got stuck. I got stuck a lot. And I am still getting stuck every now and again. This year I am most grateful for the opportunity to begin again, as many times as I need to.

When we broke up, I felt like the sky was falling. Like a part of me was dying. I know this sounds dramatic, but I love hard. I spent many nights lying awake, sobbing until my body became so exhausted that it couldn’t stay awake any longer. But even then, I saw the opportunity in this ending. It was an opportunity for me to move forward with compassion. It was an opportunity for me to understand myself better. It was an opportunity for me to grow into the person I know I am capable of being. I found myself again and made her even better than she was before.

I’m not going to lie. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do: be honest with myself. But if it wasn’t for the relationship ending, I don’t know how my relationship with myself would be right now. Of course I am still a work in progress, I always will be. But I am on the way to being the best version of myself and that’s pretty damn cool.

Remember that sometimes ends are beginnings, the most important beginnings. And that life is rife with opportunities, we just have to be woke enough to realize them. Stay humble, trust the process, and send good energy out into the universe. Happy Thanksgiving to all.

P.S. — I am also extremely thankful for EVERYONE who reads this blog. Whether this is your first time here or you read it religiously, I am so grateful to be connected to you all in this special way. You have given my words meaning and that is more than I ever could have hoped for when I started this. All my love.

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s