Flux.

Hi hi hi

I’ve officially lived in D.C. for three months now, and it has been a little bit of a transition. I’ve moved so many times that I felt like this would be just another move, but the struggles I’ve had in these three months have really caused me to look inward a bit. I’m a very introspective person and very self-aware, but this has really been a true transition for me. I have been living outside my comfort zone in a way in these months that I don’t believe I ever have before.

I am a bit of a control freak, but not in the conventional sense. I don’t typically lash out at people or freak out externally when I don’t have complete control over a situation, but it gets under my skin. It gives me that creepy crawly feeling. I start to grind my teeth and clench my jaw while I sleep. I start to get migraines. It takes a physical toll on me. Being in a transitional phase has everything kind of up in the air for me. I’m okay with this for a week or two, but three months is a lot to handle. And admittedly I haven’t been the best at managing it.

I’ve quit two jobs. I’ve been stressed about school and money and if I’m failing or not. Emotional rollercoaster is an understatement. I’ve been coping, or at least trying to. But flux isn’t really my thing. I want stability. I want to feel comfortable and secure to the point where I don’t have to worry. But I think this period of time is good for me. It is good for me because I am reminded again how important balance is. I just need to find my center.

There are going to be periods of transition in my life well beyond now. I am going to feel like this again. I am going to feel like this for shorter and longer periods of time. And just because I don’t have complete control doesn’t mean I’m failing because at the end of the day I am still working hard. I am still trying. I am still balancing. And even in trying to balance it is sometimes hard to steady yourself. But you’re still trying to.

Keep trying.

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